...unless you have courage to loose sight of the shore."

What we are and what we’re not.
What we can be and what we won’t be.
What we will be and what we will never be.
Who we want to be and who wants to be me but me?
How we will change and how we will grow.
What will stay the same and what can, by no means, ever be the same again.
What we will gain and what we will loose.
What we will love and what we will hate.
Who will we love? Who will we hate?
Who will we love to hate?
Who will we hate to love?
What enemies we gain, what friends we make.
What rival will we kill, for taking a friend?
What friend will we loose, for enemies sake?
Will we learn to love? Will we forget to hate?
Will our backs burn with anger? Will we never let go?
Where did we come from? Why are we here?
Where will we go? Can we go anywhere?
What we will do and what we won’t do.
What we can do, what we refuse to do.
Giving so much until we hurt.
Taking so much until we bleed.
Loosing it all, building it up again.
What we will sacrifice, what we cannot give up.
When we will be selfless, when we will be greedy.
Is selflessness just? Is greed a darker form of hope?
Why can’t we be what we are? Why can’t we be what we’re not?
Why can’t we love an enemy? Why can’t we hate a friend?
Where did we come from? Why can’t we go?

This…is not for us to know…

_{(But if still you seek your own redemption to questions abandoned then praise be to you brave fighter. And be gone!)}

Things have been piling up on me, one after the other. I can feel it. My back is burning right now. Every time I move, it screams. It wants to lie down and die.

It sounds nice. To just lie down and sleep, let it all drift away with the dreams I can't remember. To be done with all this struggling. All this suffering with...everything. Many of you, I'm sure, would agree with me.

But I just can't do it! Not because I'm scared. Well okay, I have a low tolerance for pain. But because damn, isn't this scarred world beautiful?! I love it so much! There are times when I feel sad, when I see the rain and feel a little lonely in this world. But it's my world. And I know I can laugh, only because I have known sadness.
I am beautiful, because I know my flaws.
I am strong, because I am weak.
I am fearless, because I have been (and still kinda am) afraid.
I am wise, because I am foolish.
But most importantly, I am a lover, because I am a fighter! I am sad and fuck my back aches right now, but my bones will grow stronger! My pile will lessen, step by painful step. When I walk down this path, I shall not go by anyone else's name but my own! I go because I choose to go! I stay because I choose to stay! And that is why it's so beautiful! I will take what sadness brings, and little by little, I WILL TURN IT INTO JOY! Even if I die in trying, at least I have tried. At least I lived for this world and me, both so beautiful.

I may be totally full of myself right now. I may only be saying these things to get my spirits up. People have used me, abused me, played me, hated me, tried to "save" me, and take me...but that's what made me. I may be full of myself, but I'd never give anyone the satisfaction of knowing. Because the truth is a lie, and a lie will always be a lie. And even if my back continues to burn I will walk forward. At the very least, I will walk forward. Because I believe in a better day, somewhere farther on in time. I've always believed that good times will come. So even if I'm only full of myself...bring it on!